A remembrance from Kate
My mom was the most beautiful, powerful, fully alive person I’ve ever known. She radiated light. Her presence had its own gravity, not unlike the sun.
Like the sun, she also burned bright. Twice as bright as the rest of us. She was like a force of nature in the way that she could not be tamed. Those of us who adored her did so precisely because she was such an extraordinary and loving soul.
A good way to sum up my mother's essence is that she seemed to constantly live in wonder. The innocent joy she experienced in things, moments, and art could pull anyone out of the dark and make them view the world with new eyes. She accepted people as they were. Her boldness in being exactly who she was made other people brave, too.
There were so many special things about my mom and I hope that you will allow me to share them here:
My mom was radically and unapologetically exactly who she was at all times. She didn’t mince words. She didn’t live ashamed.
She quickly cured any of her companions of the fear of embarrassment by promptly and publicly being herself - whether that was dancing in the grocery store or oversharing in a respectable place :)
Her joy was contagious.
She was hilarious.
She also was intensely interested in others. She held family meetings, demanded that we write poems and songs, and had us listen to hers, too. She asked thoughtful questions and made you dig deep to be able to articulate who you were and what you stood for in the world.
She wasn't afraid of other people, their imperfections, or their ugliness.
Her laugh and her smile were infectious.
She never excused boredom and would quickly let you know that only boring people got bored. If you persisted in it, you were likely to get a chore or worse, to be made to write a very long poem to be later unwillingly performed in front of others.
She was a single mom for a long time who worked hard at cleaning jobs to provide for my sister.
She cut her hair almost every single day, for fun.
She sang to her cat. Her cat actually sang back. To Avé Maria.
My mom was always trying to improve herself. She read books about spirituality and psychology. She made me read them, too. She'd quote them often and try her best to put them into practice.
On major holidays she’d have us go volunteer at a soup kitchen. Sometimes she’d bring needy strangers into her home, while she still had a home. It was probably not safe and any sane person would have advised against it. But she did it anyway, for love's sake. And because she knew that tomorrow it could be we who were down on our luck. She wanted to be and believe that kind of love was out there.
The only comfort I have right now is knowing that I got the biggest blessing in my life through her great, wide open, vulnerable, heart expanding, silly, boundless, bright love. And that, like the moon to her sun, I reflected that love back to her. She felt it.
She also raised my best friends - my siblings - who still carry her light. Through her love for them, she taught me how to love others more deeply than I ever thought possible.
It’s now part of my life’s mission to share this love with anyone who was unlucky enough to never have experienced it. It was a truly precious gift.
I don’t know when we will celebrate my mom’s life in person. The current climate makes that uncertain. But, here’s what I know:
When we celebrate, we will make and eat oreo cookie pie.
There will be singing.
There will be laughing and dancing.
There will be art.
There will be moments of awkward honesty and embarrassment.
There will be the opportunity to be fully you and to be loved for being fully you.
There will be poetry.
There will be strong hugs and kisses.
There will be floor sitting.
It will be messy and beautiful.
There will be pens and bags and Dollar Tree snacks and trinkets.
We’ll probably paint nails.
And
We will probably go to a soup kitchen.
It’s what she would have wanted.
Please post your pictures and memories of our mom if you have them. It brings us tons of joy and comfort in this time.
If you feel the urge to send gifts or flowers, we ask instead that you donate to the fund we'll use to take care of my mom's remaining earthly obligations, including the care of my little sister, who is managing the best she can through this. She, more than anyone, is the best of my mom.
Thank you for reading this.
Please go be bravely, brazenly you -
your own sun.
May you find your moon
and may your moon reflect your goodness
back to you.
❤️