By Michael Kaplan about his best friend Tarlach Mac Niallais

Because this loss is so intolerable, I wrote this about our friendship, I hope some of these stories bring comfort
My great friend died today. Tarlach was a larger than life sweetheart of a man. At the old Queens workshop there was a sign that was put on his desk bought by the staff, that said in English and Gaelic something like Irishman available for late night parties, sing alongs, drinking companion, That was Tarlach, he loved to have fun, and enjoyed nothing better than a sing along, he had a great voice, and we would sing Beatles songs, (The Two of Us, Across the Universe, Don’t Pass me By, Dear Prudence, You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away), Rolling Stones (Wild Horses), Bob Marley (No Woman No Cry), Harry Chapin., HIS music. He also loved long dirgy ones from Ireland with lots and lots of verses. I remember going camping with him and we were playing hockey and I saw a tape of old Irish ballads and thought he might like it, and he was so insulted, “that’s my dads music”. When I started working with him at the old Queens Workshop, early on myself, Tarlach and Kenny, the other supervisor went out together and shot pool. We had a great time, hugged each other and proclaimed that we were in a “Golden Age”! One night, we went to Strawberry Fields in central park on the anniversary of John Lennons’ death and sang songs with a bunch of people. On the way back a guy standing way down the platform started singing “Up on the Roof”, Tarlach took a verse and the rest is history, he came back to Tarlachs’ place and the party kept going
One time, towards the end of the night, Tarlach, who never wanted the party to end, made us play Bocci to see who among this “golden age” management team would open up the building the next morning. No matter who won, I would always go in and let him decide what he would do. Tarlach had an amazing ability to be your friend and be a supervisor as well. One day, I made a mistake in our petty cash reconciliation, I was over by a few bucks and mistakenly asked if this wasn’t such a bad thing. In no uncertain terms, Tarlach reminded me that the reconciliation should be exact, being over was just as bad as being under. I remember thinking this is the guy I just had a beer with 12 hours ago, but he was able to keep that separation. As the years went by, I had kids, lived an hour and a half away and we saw each other socially less. We would still get together, but we called these times “stolen moments”. I would pick him up and drop him off for the directors’ mtg., and we would have a beer afterwards. One time, I had to go to the DMV and had my guitar and Tarlach with me, let’s just say that that parking lot was treated to a pretty good sing along!
Tarlach was a great director, his staff always had the utmost respect for him. He cared deeply about his staff, and people he supported. He was always looking out for others, and helped many, including myself, sign up for the retirement plan that the agency offered. I remember that if an issue came up, instead of taking an “I’ll get back to you” approach, he would pick up the phone and make the call right then to try to get an answer, things did not sit on Tarlachs’ desk for long. Tarlach was wise and fair and had a great memory for policies and agency history. He always seemed to know the right course of action to take. Many of us called on him to lend some Tarlach “wisdom” when faced with a thorny problem at work. Tarlach was a huge asset to the adult day services department, and was valued and respected by the whole agency. He was routinely tapped to head up the most complicated investigations for the department because they knew he would be through and eminently fair.
Tarlach was a natural at organizing people to have fun, he came to a party at my house last year and had everyone playing Songburst. At a staff meeting last year, he had the group rolling playing a new game where everyone thought of a historical figure and each round got progressively harder, the name would be drawn from a hat and in the first round the “guessee” could use words, next round then one word, than non-verbal, then only by movement. He organized a world cup pool every 4 years, and someone would get a team from the top and bottom 16. Because he was Tarlach (or Terry), he would make the whole process fun. He would organize a get together at a bar the night the teams were chosen by random draw, and invariably make a deal and trade with whoever got Mexico so he could cheer them on. Tarlach was also really competitive, I remember one time myself Kenny and Tarlach were arguing over who could run fastest (Tarlach was a real athlete back in the day). During lunch, we had to go out and have a race. Tarlach also started the departments’ Track and Field meet, which he passed off to me when I came to work under him. In those early years, we had a staff relay that didn’t always model the highest level of sportsmanship. One year, there was some controversy and the race had to be rerun, that was the year that Tarlach pushed himself so hard that he hurt his hamstring that bothered him ever since.
I remember the joy he took in his family, he was always talking about who was coming over or when he was going back to visit. Long before I met anyone, I heard about “Tony”, “Wee Brandon”, “Geri”, Mary, John (Air Traffic Controller), Big G, his Mom, Dad and everyone else. I don’t know how many tours of New York City he gave to family and friends over the years. After hearing about his trips home, I would joke with him that he was like a rock star, touring the country trying to see everyone, everyone wanted a piece of him. He talked about having a sing along in the cave from Game of Thrones, birthday parties, costume parties or visiting the Drumlins. He would always show me pictures, and one thing I’ve appreciated is not only what a big loving group the Mac Niallais clan is, but that you guys know how to have a good time!! I would always remind him to try to get some rest while there, but he was so excited to see his family, he made every moment precious and usually needed a day or two of rest from his “vacation”. He would show me the latest tally of his ongoing scrabble war with Tony, they would play to see who got to 100 games first. Although Tarlach may have won the first round to 100, Tony convinced him that it was really best out of three. He would say that he used to be able to beat Tony in everything, but whether it was running races, or scrabble, one by one Tony outstripped him, he said this with pride and love in his voice He was so proud of the charity work that Tony did in the Phillipines and the scholarships in Mexico.
One great thing that he did was enlist me in setting up a jam for Tony, Brandon and some friends that were visiting. I booked studio time in NYC, rented guitars and bought lots of beer while Tarlach was innocently hanging with the guys at the Molly Wee Pub in NYC. I called Tarlach when things were ready, and he made some excuse to get the guys to come up to the studio. As they entered, expecting to move equipment, I handed each a beer. What followed was a pretty epic jam, I had a learned a few of their favorite songs before so things went great, good craic!
Tarlach had an encyclopedic knowledge of the city and the great places, like Central Park and the highline. He had an encyclopedic mind in general, whether history, policy, languages etc… and was a member of Mensa. He loved etymology and was great with languages, obviously speaking Spanish fluently. We had a linguistic point of contention one time which I obviously lost. It was the lack of an English word for the act of being missing, Tarlach insisted that it was proper to say “go missing” as a verb, I had a problem with this, but couldn’t come up with any better way to say it. Whenever I read something about Northern Ireland, or the UK, or something from the troubles, he would fill me in on the history of some hibernian order or another, and share his and his families experiences with the troubles. We would have lunch and I would sit with him while he did the New York Times crossword puzzle, he loved Will Shortz, the puzzle guy for the New York Times. He was so good at puzzles of all types. I would watch as he was doing a crossword, and stare intently at 5 across, and maybe come up with the answer after a while. By the time I opened my mouth to make a contribution, he was already 3 answers ahead. He competed in several crossword tournaments with the best in the world and did very well. He loved trivia and word puzzles, and was part of a group that would compete regularly at bar trivia nights. He loved geocaching and orienteering (we went once near where I live by an old institution in Kings Park, New York), where one uses GPS to find hidden objects that people leave and post about it. Wherever he was, he might turn on the geocaching app and have an mini adventure right there.
Tarlach was a leader, and a stand up fighter for every issue he believed in. He single-handedly fought for and got domestic partner benefits at AHRC, one of the first agencies to do so. I remember at the time he lamented that the head of human resources whom he was battling was gay himself and was still fighting it. He helped lead the push for LGBTQ people to be able to March in the St. Patricks Day Parade, and was a proud member of the Lavender and Green Society started by his friend Brendan Fay. He also was an organizer for the St. Pats for all parade in Queens which welcomes everyone to march. This year, in addition to marching thanks to him, the people we support were able to get more involved and post flyers throughout the neighborhood promoting the event. He was part of the organizing committee for the NYC St Pats parade and I remember him telling me his job was to go into all the bars along the parade route and roust the folks there to come out to the sidewalk to cheer the paraders on. He was always at a rally or showing up for a cause, whether it was Pride, Black Lives Matter, etc… He always stood up for others and himself, whether it was confronting a taxi driver who would stop for him but balk at taking Kevin or in any other situation. One time we were at a bar watching the world cup, (this was when he was with Kevin). Tarlach being Tarlach made a friend at the bar and after hoisting a few, said, he wanted to introduce him to his lover Kevin. The guy called Tarlach a fag and turned away. Tarlach got in the guys face and confronted him, how come he was good enough to drink with a minute ago, etc… The guy backed down and apologized, but didn’t become an enemy, Tarlach had a way of changing hearts and minds through the sheer force of his personality.
Tarlach loved going to Mexico and visiting with Juans’ family. I remember he bruised his ribs diving for a soccer ball while playing goalie with the kids in the village square. He was like a big kid, enthusiastic, curious and sweet. More than once, while having a few at his “local”, me and Juan would look at each other and tell him he was just a big boy. Tarlach was so happy that Juans’ mom and dad got their visa sorted out, thanks to Juans’ sister and they were able to come and visit them in New York, because it had been a while since Juan had seen them. He loved Juan to death, Juan made him so happy. I would remind Tarlach that he was the lucky one to have someone so kind and loving as Juan.
When he got sick, he called and let me know that he was staying home for 14 days under a self-imposed quarantine. As I knew he loved video games (Final Fantasy) and would be playing a lot, I joked that I hoped he got the “magic sword”, and became “Uberlord” of the realm. He said this the time he was home he would be playing Link, a Zelda game. The last time we spoke was the day before he was going to be intubated and put on a ventilator. He reminded me that I needed to take care of Juan, to help him navigate AHRC Bureaucracy. I confess that I got emotional, he told me I was the best friend to him we said we loved each other, we always did over the last year or so. The next day, Monday, 3/30, he texted he was going on the ventilator, and he passed Wednesday morning at New York Presbyterian Hospital.
Tarlach was not only a great man, he was a great friend, brother, and husband. I can only say that I feel lucky to have had the privilege of calling him my friend.