Fred Ing Dhiam Go – January 9, 1932 – July 13, 2019

Our beloved father passed away peacefully, at his home in Santa Rosa, in the Sonoma Valley, at the age of 87.  He lived his life courageously and lovingly, and was a devoted husband to his wife Lay Nio, devoted father to his two daughters Lucy and Ingrid, and devoted grandfather to his grandchildren, Megan, Maia and Samuel.  He was also a devoted son to his father, Go Ngo Tjong and mother, Yap Lioe Nio, of Bandung, Indonesia.

Fred was an only child and was known by all in his family for his mischievousness and good sense of humor as a little boy and throughout his life..  Even his hospice nurses and caregivers could not miss the impish twinkle in his eye and his jokes. He first met his future spouse in Bandung when he was introduced by well-meaning matchmakers to Laynio’s  three sisters. The intention was that Fred make friends with Lay’s two older sisters, but he could not miss the high spiritedness, clear headed intelligence, and not least of all, charms of the third sister and was smitten by her at first sight.  They were married on July 28, 1961 and this July would have been their 58th wedding anniversary.

This year we marked the 50th anniversary of the first landing on the moon by American astronauts in July 1969.  In the summer as that singular and courageous event, Fred made his own giant leap and brought his family to the United States, first settling in New York City and then moving a few years later to beautiful and historic Monmouth County in New Jersey.  Remembering every home we lived in, from our first apartment in Flushing to their home on the pond in Middletown, they were tended with great care by our parents, to provide well-being, comfort and dignity for their family. There is no doubt that these ideals, achieved on the back of hard work and the unwavering vision of Mom and Dad’s dream to make the United States their home,  are the foundation of all their children have since achieved and nurtured in their own lives.

Fred brought his wife and daughters to the United States from Indonesia, after waiting nearly four years to get a visa to become a permanent resident.  He had always dreamed of raising his family here. He had a good position at the Bank of Indonesia, one that gave him numerous opportunities to travel through Europe, the United States and Asia.  He traveled so much he actually turned some trips down, to places as glamorous as Paris, because he was missing his family. These trips encouraged Fred’s idealism about moving to the States. It was an idealism that he told us began with his reading the novels of Jack London, A.J. Cronin and Zane Grey. Along with the adventurous spirit of London’s “Call of the Wild” and Grey’s “Riders of the Purple Sage”, Fred aspired to the sense for social justice, personal integrity, family honor and professional ethics portrayed by Cronin’s Dr. Finlay in “The Citadel”.

Fred also always loved being with  nature, especially the mountains. Whenever possible, we would get away from Jakarta to enjoy the clean air and scenery of Puncak.  It was an adventure for us, piling into the Toyota Landcruiser with its bare bones interior. Fred’s other favored mode of transport was a well-loved motorcycle, on which he had taken mom on their first dates, and later Mom, Lucy and I in true Indonesian style, no helmets needed, riding on the handlebars, rough roads and all.

He appreciated nature and felt it was a healing force.  Our vacations were to places of natural beauty, like the Adirondacks, the Smokies and the Blue Ridge Mountains.  He loved seeing the Grand Canyon, Zion, Yosemite, all the national parks. When he first saw the Valley of the Moon, where they finally settled in Sonoma County, he said it was so beautiful he knew he wanted to retire here. Mom and Dad enjoyed their retirement, with years of international and local travel, forever curious about new places and people.  

Fred was an engineer and his love of nature was paired by a scientific curiosity about its structure and processes.  He remarked that any part of nature from things as small as a cell or an atomic particle to a thing as large as an ocean or a whale, they are all so miraculous in their perfection and beauty that there must also be a God for how else could such wonders be?

Our father was an alumnae of ITB, the famed Bandung Institute of Technology, and he was proud of that.  He told us of its beautiful architecture, rooted in the traditional Indonesian vernacular style and also of its excellent education. He wanted his daughters to have the opportunities he had gained from going to a fine school and among other reasons, this was a key part of why he and mom moved to the United States.  It was a country, he told us, where women would have access to achieving those same goals. In the United States, he was an electrical engineer working with computers for Control Data Corporation, Radio Corporation of America and lastly at AT&T, in New York City and in New Jersey. He retired with distinction after years of service.  

Fred lived for many years with the effects of dementia probably from Alzheimer’s disease, and mom was an unwavering and compassionate caretaker for him through all.   Because of Lay’s steadfast and loving attention to his well- being, Fred was able to endure the declines brought on by dementia with dignity and comfort. In his final illness and passing, Fred was as courageous as in his life.  We die, but in that may be the meaning of life. When the awareness comes that our time in this world is not infinite, we don’t think about where we want to be or what we want to do, but instead turn our thoughts to with whom we want to be, with loved ones and with God. 

And Fred was loved.