We created this memorial to celebrate the life of Ben Morley.
We hope that it will offer comfort to his friends and relatives. Thank you for contributing.
Ah Ben; your birthday is round the corner and I still can't believe you have left us. But here's a few pictures to show that you are still very 'present' too. Think the one of you in Hope Valley is my favourite & I know your Mum loved it too - did... moreAh Ben; your birthday is round the corner and I still can't believe you have left us. But here's a few pictures to show that you are still very 'present' too. Think the one of you in Hope Valley is my favourite & I know your Mum loved it too - did I give it to her directly, or via you?
As I said in my tribute to you (that request was below the belt, Ben, given my brother, but I forgive you - of course), the ski trips blend into one another, but they were all such fun. Pics here from Val Thorens & Sauze d'Oulx. And that excellent day we had at Royal Ascot, neither of us with any clue about the horses - goodness knows where you got the tickets.
Will be raising a glass to you with a number of the Southampton crowd later in the week. God bless you always & rest in His arms. less
I was only 16 when I met Ben whilst he stayed at my friend Ann’s house (his digs and landlady) in Frimley, Surrey. Ben was on his Uni year out working at GEC Marconi working in an Engineering degree placement I think. Ben was 18 years old and saw me... moreI was only 16 when I met Ben whilst he stayed at my friend Ann’s house (his digs and landlady) in Frimley, Surrey. Ben was on his Uni year out working at GEC Marconi working in an Engineering degree placement I think. Ben was 18 years old and saw me as a bit like a little sister but one day whilst I was over at Ann’s house he asked me to teach him how to disco dance and so I did and after that we became firm friends. Later on in our 20’s we spent many a night out on the town ( me later trudging in stupidly high shoes or boots) trying to keep up with Ben’s long strides all across London when the nightclubs closed! We loved ’The Carwash’ and both were always dancing with inanely happy smiles all night long giving each other a wave every so often or the SOS look when the other needed to nudge out unwanted company.
Now don’t get me wrong at 16 I had a major crush on him as many girls no doubt did but we decided long,long ago that our friendship was worth more to preserve as friends and I am glad we did.
We would talk for hours and hours on end, analysing and examining everything about anything late into the night until falling asleep on couches, floors, well anything really. Ben was always interesting and interested, a generous and curious conversationalist. Often allowed to kip in the spare room or his floor or sofa in West Kens if visiting London I remember turning up many a time tiddly dressed in 90’s clubbing gear and gate crashing a Romantic dinner Ben was having with a date at his home- however often he would say later I am so glad you turned up and we would then debrief on our separate evenings, successes and failures. His Jelly and Ice cream party was epic!!!
I have loved hearing others familiar descriptions and a common one about Ben is hugs, he gave the best, longest, kindest hugs in the world, he also had a habit of fiddling with anything he picked up in his fingers. He had a gentle compassionate deeply feeling nature and despite some of his childlike desires he also had a very mature emotional knowiness. He was hugely patient, humble, passionate in debate, forgiving, loyal, kind, gifted, complex, solitary/social, special.
I saw Ben a few years ago due to Lockdown and we had a great night out in Bristol - behind schedule of course and nearly didn’t get any food but charmed our way into somewhere- lots of laughing and fun times - little did I know it would be our last.
Thank you Ben for the very best of times, parties, hugs, laughs, late night conversations, walking, night busses, toasted crumpets, for introducing me to your Southampton Uni friends and Uni life and your loving family. You were very courageous at the end, I am so sorry it came to that but I do understand. I will love you always and miss you. Sarah x less
I am very grateful to read the memories and thoughts that others have shared. I'm sorry to say I am not going to make it from Scotland to the Memorial, so I will share what i can here.
Ben was a great compassionate leader who touched the lives of others... moreI am very grateful to read the memories and thoughts that others have shared. I'm sorry to say I am not going to make it from Scotland to the Memorial, so I will share what i can here.
Ben was a great compassionate leader who touched the lives of others with generosity and openness. I am sad that he has decided to end his life early because he had much to offer.
My story is from getting to know Ben as a cousin who decided to come and join me in working and living with people who were homeless in London Simon Community. It was through living in community with Ben that i got to know him well, and he was clearly a good, balanced, practical worker and so i asked him to become the leader of the therapeutic farm that we ran near Kent.
Ben did this really well, his open and discussive way of leading the household helped the others work together to really have a go at transforming the smallholding. Ben's ability to frame and organise the work into fun, and slightly ambitious projects enabled everyone else to play their part. Even some very strange characters. I'm thinking particularly of the relationship Ben had with a woman called Denise, and a bloke called 'little Richard', both of whom he managed to bring out the best of across that time.
I was really glad when Ben used this experience to decide to go and re-train to become a psychiatric OT.
We kept in touch in the next decade. Ben came up to Glasgow to find out what i was doing in setting up a therapeutic community with homeless people in Glasgow called Emmaus Glasgow, and at that time I remember asking Ben if he wanted to become our first Community Leader and we talked about that quite a bit.
About five years after that, Ben came to my wedding and then a few years later came on holiday in Mull with my wife and baby Iola. Apart from that we have stayed in touch every few years.
When we were in touch, I also got the impression that Ben seemed to be doing his work/career with people who are at the edges in a very sensible fashion. Knowing that this sort of work generally takes a toll, Ben had the inner wisdom to take time out every few years and re-charge. So like others have said, I'm sorry he didn't reach out and I'm glad to see he was much loved. It is a tragic loss.
I hope those who can make it, gather well and thank you again for what you have said here and for gathering. less
You have been such a marvellous friend since our time together at Uni in the late 1980s. One of the brightest, most analytical, kind, considerate, silly, humorous, energetic, generous and fun people I have ever known! Over the years you have... moreDear Ben,
You have been such a marvellous friend since our time together at Uni in the late 1980s. One of the brightest, most analytical, kind, considerate, silly, humorous, energetic, generous and fun people I have ever known! Over the years you have changed direction (academic courses, careers, where you have lived etc) so often that at times it has been hard to keep up with you. However, whether it was sharing a student house, mountain walking & camping holidays, skiing, house parties, watching rugby, helping you move home (again and again), stag dos (and weddings), quiet pints & chinwags or, most recently, catching-up down in Dorset, your abundant qualities have always shone through - always at the centre of the throng, but understated and, generally, late!
I do so wish that you would have opened-up more about your struggles. I am so sad that you chose as you did, but you have my greatest respect. I am just pleased that I have been honoured to call you my great friend. Rest well my friend.
I can't seem to grasp the fact that Ben is gone. It feels so wrong, my mind won't accept it. As cousins, Ben is woven into many of my earliest memories: games of Monopoly on the floor at family parties; raucous cousins squabbling over who got to 'be'... moreI can't seem to grasp the fact that Ben is gone. It feels so wrong, my mind won't accept it. As cousins, Ben is woven into many of my earliest memories: games of Monopoly on the floor at family parties; raucous cousins squabbling over who got to 'be' the sports car or the dog. Family holidays. He was kind enough to put me up on his sofa when I visited friends in London. I remember being amazed at how quickly he could inhale a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Ben decided that for one birthday, he wanted to host a beach party in his tiny back yard. So he did. It was a fun occasion full of laughter.
Some years later I moved abroad, making our meetings less frequent. But I always loved seeing him. Ben picked up on things very quickly. He was never unkind or caustic, despite how wonderfully intelligent he was, how perceptive. I will miss him. I hope he is at peace. less
I met Ben in 2006 through a school friend who had done Operation Raleigh with him. He was a wonderful friend – thoughtful, incredibly funny with a keen sense of the ridiculous. He would have us doubled over laughing at stories, usually poking fun at... moreI met Ben in 2006 through a school friend who had done Operation Raleigh with him. He was a wonderful friend – thoughtful, incredibly funny with a keen sense of the ridiculous. He would have us doubled over laughing at stories, usually poking fun at himself and sometimes at me or others, but never unkind.
He cared greatly for everyone, and met them on their own terms. He lived with homeless people in the Simon Community in his 20s, then moved to the NHS to work as an occupational therapist. He specialised with people with psychiatric illness, helping them in practical ways to have better lives. He took 6 months out to concentrate on photography in Brighton, and again was drawn to homeless people. He would see the person where other people walked by. He got to know them and, with permission, took their photos.
I think he found the emphasis on paperwork over the patient difficult in occupational therapy, and for that reason retrained as a nutritionist. It is no surprise, but lovely to hear an impression of him in his work with patients in that capacity.
He lived every minute of his life actively choosing to be kind, compassionate, generous, but he wore this goodness so lightly - it was his imagination, humour and intelligence which stood out strong.
I am devastated he didn't want to burden anyone with what he was feeling, and devastated he went through those feelings alone.
We all basked in the warmth of his friendship. I hope he knew how much of a difference he made in this world; to his friends and family, and also the people he met only briefly - all the patients, and homeless people he met in the Simon Community, and in Brighton. They all must have felt his compassion like a blessing. I am sure he is now standing shoulder to shoulder with the saints, probably making them laugh too. less
I worked with Ben at Royal Bournemouth hospital where he was a dietitian. I very much enjoyed working with him and learnt a lot from him. We shared a sense of humour and he would buy me biscuits and chocolate to thank me for my help, but it was a... moreI worked with Ben at Royal Bournemouth hospital where he was a dietitian. I very much enjoyed working with him and learnt a lot from him. We shared a sense of humour and he would buy me biscuits and chocolate to thank me for my help, but it was a pleasure to work with him. A very special person who I thought a lot of. In the fairly short time I knew him, it was clear to see he had a huge capacity to care for others and a dedication to his work. He always went above and beyond to get things right and give the best possible care to every patient. Many of the words in the messages here from those who knew him longer than me describe him perfectly. One word I will add is brave. I hope he has found peace as he deserves that so much. less
Ben, I can’t believe you are no longer with us. Reading all the previous tributes there seems to be a common theme of your lateness to so many events. It therefore doesn’t seem right that you have arrived early to the next world. The other common... moreBen, I can’t believe you are no longer with us. Reading all the previous tributes there seems to be a common theme of your lateness to so many events. It therefore doesn’t seem right that you have arrived early to the next world. The other common theme is your sense of fun and enthusiasm to get involved in everything!
I have so many great memories of our friendship at Southampton university from life in Bottom K in Glen to life after in the big wide world. It’s always great to spend time in another environment to really get to know one another and I will always remember our great trip skiing in Kirchberg in March 1991. The snow wasn’t great but the après-ski made up for it. Your ability to drink schnapps was impressive even if you weren’t too partial to it!
You always had a listening ear and you always had time for others. I will miss you much. RIP less
Where to start? Ben was a guy who I got to know at Uni, remained a good friend in the years since and I can’t believe he’s gone.
Things I’ll remember from times with Ben?
1) Travelling to far flung places, embracing the locals: sleeping in a... moreWhere to start? Ben was a guy who I got to know at Uni, remained a good friend in the years since and I can’t believe he’s gone.
Things I’ll remember from times with Ben?
1) Travelling to far flung places, embracing the locals: sleeping in a hospital chair in Northern Pakistan on one trip after Ben got (very) poorly and had to helped out with some mountaineers and then later by London School of Tropical Medicine when we eventually got back to the UK
2) Travelling to Europe on ski-trips. I loved the one wher Ben ran a bar in his chalet where he was allowed to keep the profits. We of course decided to come and stay at his place - and had to smuggle Red Bull in from the UK as it wasn’t available locally in France. It’d be fair to say Ben wasn’t the fastest bar-man in the West
3) Gigging - we did a few: Oasis at Knebworth, a V festival or two & the last photo here was at a local festival here in Somerset where were rocking out to Feeder. I don’t remember if we Glastonburied together - but don’t remember everything about those trips…
4) HIs sense of childish fun. He was Godfather to my son, and reverted to being a big one whenever we met. As a result my kids (inevitably) loved him to bits. They’ll be devastated when they learn what happened - but that’s a conversation for a long time in the future
5) Failed attempts to get him hooked up with my single female mates (no photos survive)
More than anything else, just a genial giant who never seemed to change, put other people first and loved his friends. This is a short extract of what could be so many more memories - of rugby days & trips, parties at that flat off the Brompton Road, dinner parties, cottages away, firework bashes etc.
A bit like Peter Pan, he didn’t age at the same rate as the rest of us, and now in our memories he won’t age at all. RIP Ben, you were one of a kind - and our lives are the poorer without you less
I met Ben when we studied OT at University of Brighton. I lived with him in a shared house in our last year. He was energetic and caring and he had so much to say. We had some robust discussions, he had strong opinions and was always willing to listen.... moreI met Ben when we studied OT at University of Brighton. I lived with him in a shared house in our last year. He was energetic and caring and he had so much to say. We had some robust discussions, he had strong opinions and was always willing to listen. And we had a lot of fun. I will miss him.
Ben was a guest at my civil partnership ceremony in the woods in 2011. He arrived late. I remember him trying to creep quietly through the woods, sticks snapping and leaves rustling behind us as we attempted to make our vows to one another in front of friends and family. We stopped the ceremony, shouted ‘hello Ben’ and waited for him to reach us. Somehow that exasperating and funny moment with Ben became a precious part of our day. less
We are so sad and shocked to hear about Ben's passing. We will always remember him and all the time we spent together. He was one of loveliest individual you could ever meet. I really miss you Ben.
The picture is from the Clissold Arms for Paul and My... moreWe are so sad and shocked to hear about Ben's passing. We will always remember him and all the time we spent together. He was one of loveliest individual you could ever meet. I really miss you Ben.
The picture is from the Clissold Arms for Paul and My Birthday celebrations. My whole family really liked him. less
So saddened and shocked to hear about Ben’s passing. I will cherish the great memories of weekends away and themed parties, he was a great instigator of events bringing friends together. He was always ready to listen and help out. Dodgy cars and... moreSo saddened and shocked to hear about Ben’s passing. I will cherish the great memories of weekends away and themed parties, he was a great instigator of events bringing friends together. He was always ready to listen and help out. Dodgy cars and equally dodgy time-keeping were what we came to expect and love about Ben, along with loyalty, compassion and a sense of fun. I so wish I had known he was struggling so badly.
Picture is from March 2002 - weekend in Marloes, Pembrokeshire organised by Ben of course. less
Ben was just a lovely, lovely guy. I was proud to call him one of my oldest friends. He brought so much happiness to me and others over 30-plus years since uni. Always fun and joyful company. Unfailingly caring, generous and considerate. Clever and... moreBen was just a lovely, lovely guy. I was proud to call him one of my oldest friends. He brought so much happiness to me and others over 30-plus years since uni. Always fun and joyful company. Unfailingly caring, generous and considerate. Clever and analytical without flaunting it. Routinely exasperating (“You’re late – AGAIN!”). Sometimes stubborn. Handsome, with an increasingly annoying habit of not showing his age. I loved Ben, as we all did.
Contemplating the world without Ben in it is beyond me. I still feel the stomach punch from the news of his passing. That he didn’t talk about his suffering is a massive regret that leaves me feeling useless and bereft. We would all have tried everything to help and I’m so sad that he decided to bear it all alone. Stupid sod.
Ben, we will miss you more than I think you knew. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend. less
So many memories (just a bit too upset to start writing them right now). I am in shock, I'm so so sad, I am shouting at you Ben. I wish you had told me how bad things were. We would have done anything to try and help you feel better. But most of all I... moreSo many memories (just a bit too upset to start writing them right now). I am in shock, I'm so so sad, I am shouting at you Ben. I wish you had told me how bad things were. We would have done anything to try and help you feel better. But most of all I want you to know that I loved you so much my beautiful friend. All I can see is your smiling face taking the mickey out of me, us just laughing at stupid things. I see your kindness to others - always helping, always caring. But as the Bible says there are many rooms in God's house and one day I WILL see you again (I'm going to find you and annoy you). We will laugh again. I don't think you realised how special you were to Duncan and I. You will never be forgotten. Ever. less
Ben was the heart of our Southampton group, always late but always there! We will miss you at every gathering but know you will be with us in spirit. I am sorry we couldn't be more there for you when you needed us. With happy memories but a heavy heart... moreBen was the heart of our Southampton group, always late but always there! We will miss you at every gathering but know you will be with us in spirit. I am sorry we couldn't be more there for you when you needed us. With happy memories but a heavy heart we say goodbye to the unique, the ever giving, the complicated Ben. less
Loading ...
